


Trust In What Is Written

by musicalkiddo



Category: Spring Awakening - Sheik/Sater
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 23:19:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6774301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicalkiddo/pseuds/musicalkiddo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Is there really only one person?” Ernst asked.  “Out of everyone?  Do I really only get one?”  He didn’t ask it, but he was wondering what would happen if he messed up.</p><p>(Or, I realized that this fandom was drastically lacking soulmate AUs so I decided to write one.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trust In What Is Written

Ernst didn’t want to open his eyes when he woke up.  Instead he lay there in bed, just thinking.  What if, after all this waiting, things didn’t work out?  What if it ended up being horrible?

Even when his mom burst into his room and he could hear her fussing over opening the shades and moving a pile of clothes off his floor and into the hamper, Ernst didn’t open his eyes.  He knew it was all in his head, but he sort of thought he could feel the words on his wrist.  Burning, tingling, absurdly present after eighteen years of being blank.

“Happy birthday,” Ernst’s mom said finally, sitting on the edge of his bed.  “Let’s go, let's have a look!”  Ernst groaned at her, eyes shut tight.  She tugged on the blanket, under which he was safe and hidden, but he held on.  “Sweetheart,” Mrs. Robel crooned, “you have to get up.  You have to see what it says.  You’re all grown up.”

Ernst only opened his eyes because it sounded like his mom was on the verge of tears.

“Ha!” she cried.  “Got you!  Let’s see that wrist.”

“Fine.  Okay.”  Ernst took a deep breath and pulled his arm out from under the blanket, shivering a little when he felt the cold air of his bedroom hit his skin.

“ _I’ll walk with you_ ,” he read, observing the carefully looped letters.  “That’s it?  Anyone could say that!”  He hit his head against the pillow with frustration.  What was he supposed to do now, spend the rest of his life holding his breath in case some guy offered to walk him somewhere?  He suddenly found himself wishing he’d done a lot more praying when he was younger, that he’d been a better person.  Anything that could prevent karma from taking its sweet time revealing his soulmate.

Ernst’s mom smoothed his messy hair down with a tender hand, smiling at him.  “You’ll find him.”

Enst caught a glimpse of the writing on his mom’s wrist, faded but still there.  “Is there really only _one_ person?” he asked.  “Out of everyone?  Do I really only get one?”  He didn’t ask it, but he was wondering what would happen if he messed up.

“The one is chosen for a reason.  You’ll meet him, and you’ll get it.  I promise you, baby, you aren’t going to want anyone else.”  Ernst didn’t answer.  “But,” her tone had shifted, “you’ll never meet anyone if you don’t get your ass out of bed and get ready for school.”  She smacked him playfully on the hip and stood up, closing the door on her way out of the room.

Ernst stayed where he was for another minute after she left, running his fingers over the words on his wrist.  Curvy script, in deep black ink.   _I’ll walk with you._

He got ready slowly, taking care to make sure his hair lay perfectly and his clothes looked just right.  Somewhere in the world that morning, a boy’s white ink had turned black on his wrist, and Ernst wanted to be good enough when he found that boy.  Nervous as he was, he allowed himself to be glad that whoever it was had turned 18 first, that he didn’t have to wake up to a barely legible, pale sentence and wait until his true love had a birthday for his ink to darken.  Or even more than one birthday, now that he was thinking about it.  Ernst knew people who were years older than their soulmates, who waited almost a decade for their words to get darker.  Realizing this struck a new fear in his stomach.  What if it wasn’t a boy at all, what if it was some old man who had been waiting and waiting for him to reach adulthood?  He shuttered, turning away from the mirror and grabbing his backpack.  If he didn’t leave right now he’d be late for school, a fact which he reminded his mother of when she tried to insist he ate breakfast.

“After all,” she told him, “it’s a big day.”

“I’m fine,” he assured her, grabbing a banana on his way out.  “I’ll eat this on the way.  I love you!” he called on his way out the front door. He managed to get a glimpse of his mom blowing him a kiss before he was on the sidewalk, power walking towards school.

Turning into the parking lot, Ernst considered skipping the mandatory meeting with his guidance counselor.  He was 18, he knew how soulmates worked. All Ms. Brandy could do was warn him about the dangers of letting the ink do the work for you and all that junk everyone always talked about when they talked about falling in love.

Eventually the meeting beat first period math on Ernst’s internal boredom scale, and he found himself sitting in front of Ms. Brandy’s desk as she gushed about how exciting this all must be for him.

In her 40s and still waiting to meet her soulmate, Ms. Brandy had good intentions when she applied to be the school's soulmate counselor, helping teenagers through the process. But a few years of watching 18 year olds fall in love and celebrating a thousand people's birthdays wore on her, and now she kind of reminded students of a broken record.

“Now,” she was saying to a zoned out Ernst, “you must remember there's always a chance your one true love is someone you already know! If you haven't seen them since you turned 18, don't rule them out.  The words on your wrist,” she held a hand to her heart, “simply represent the first thing your soulmate will say to you from today on.  Of course, it's just as likely she's a total stranger!”

Ernst, who had heard all this a million times before, couldn't help but correct her.  “He.”

“Oh dear, my bad.  Of course. He could be someone who's currently on the other side of the world, staring down at his wrist. All we can know about him is that he's already at least 18.” She paused, looking at his wrist again, and added, “And that he can walk, I suppose.”  Ernst couldn't help but laugh.  “You'll have plenty of time to get to know him, though,” Ms. Brandy assured.  “What else, what else?” Ernst shrugged.  “Oh!” she remembered, suddenly. “Don't let the soulmate thing do all the work.  Whoever he is, he's a human being.  Just because you're destined to love each other doesn't mean it will be easy. So give it time, and patience, and dedication.  It may be love at first exchange, it may not be. All that is guaranteed is that there will be love.”

For the first time, Ernst allowed himself to feel excited. Love.  His stomach fluttered.

“Of course, if you have any questions you can feel free to come ask me.  My door,” she emphasized with a gesture, “is always open.”

Ernst could tell she was lonely.  “Thank you, Ms. Brandy,” he said, heaving his backpack up to leave.

“Oh, Ernst?” Ms. Brandy called on his way out the door.  “Good luck!”

Ernst was in a good mood. It was his birthday, he missed math, and he was about to go to English, where he'd see all his friends. Also, somewhere in the world was a boy who'd be perfect for him.

He got to class after his friends, which meant they were ready to start singing happy birthday as soon as he walked in the room.  He blushed, and Wendla laughed at him, pulling him into a hug.  Moritz hugged him too, and then Wendla, and they were settling into their seats when the bell rang.

“Where's Hanschen?” Ernst whispered, noticing the absence of his blonde haired best friend.

“I haven't seen him,” Wendla said with a shrug, before scooting her desk forward so she could braid her girlfriend's hair while Mr. Langs started droning on about The Iliad.  Ilse leaned back into Wendla’s touch, and Ernst smiled. If he and his soulmate were half as compatible as those two, he'd take it.

The girls were lucky.  They'd been dating since they were sixteen, and with their birthdays only a week apart they quickly confirmed that the relationship was definitely going places.  Now they were inseparable, often gross with their PDA. Ernst only forgave them because they always seemed so happy.

Moritz, who was already chewing on his pencil and tapping his leg, had turned 18 a month ago and was now impatiently waiting for that special someone to say, “Oh.”

Ernst knew the reason his friends weren't acting curious about his soulmate situation was that he'd been pretty rude about it earlier in the week.  A combination of terror and a desire to be more than just someone's other half had lead him to lash out at their friend Martha, not yet 18 herself, and tell her to stop asking if he was excited to find out.  “In fact,” he'd snapped, “how about everyone just stops asking me about it at all.  Period.”  He appreciated that his friends were trying to do what he asked, but he knew they were dying to talk about it.  Besides, now that it was real he was a little more eager to discuss it.

He tried to ignore that his best friend wasn't in class on his damn birthday and leaned towards his other friends, holding out his arm.

“I got it,” he whispered.

Wendla couldn't help but let out an excited squeak, and Moritz stared at the full phrase with a barely concealed sense of longing.

“I assume you haven't found him yet?” Ilse prompted, and Ernst shook his head sadly.

“I bet it's Bobby Maler,” Wendla teased, and Ernst made a gagging sound. Mr. Langs shushed the group when they all dissolved into giggles at the thought of Ernst being soulmates with Hanschen’s gross ex-boyfriend.

Hanschen was the wildcard of the group.  He'd bought a thick bracelet the night before his birthday (Ernst helped him pick it out- blue to match his eyes,) and had worn it ever since.  If the words were there, he'd never seen them.

Ernst understood why his best friend did it.  He was there for Hanschen when they were 10 and his dad died, and when his mom fell in love with someone else.  Hanschen now lived a perfectly nice life with his mom and his step-father, but his mom was still stuck wearing words the new love of her life had never said to her.  They served as a reminder of the pain she felt from losing her first “soulmate,” but they meant nothing else anymore.

Refusing to allow his wrist to decide for him was Hanschen's way of rebelling.  Ernst got it.  (Not that he could ever do it himself.)

Bisexual Hanschen had a world of possible soulmates out there, and his incredible good looks didn't hurt his chances of finding someone.  With a perfectly structured jawline, shiny blonde hair, and bright blue eyes, Hanschen had been Ernst's first crush back when they were younger.

He was over it now though, mostly.  Years of knowing Hanschen's deepest secrets and watching him lose at video games helped humanize him in Ernst's eyes, make him less of a god and more of a boy.  Besides, he had a soulmate to find. There was no time to think about someone with whom he had no chance.

Especially if that someone couldn't bother to come to school on Ernst's birthday.

As English dragged on, Ernst found himself slipping into a practically comatose state.  It's not that he didn't find Greek mythology interesting, but Mr. Langs had the presence of a wet paper towel.  It felt like hours had passed before Hanschen entered the room, looking totally unbothered by the fact that he was extremely late.

He slipped into his seat behind Ernst silently, giving the birthday boy a squeeze on the shoulder and a smile.

Ernst suddenly felt very awake.  He tugged his sleeve down over his wrist, oddly ashamed to have it out in the open for Hanschen to see.  If the blond noticed, he didn't say anything.

By the time the bell rang, Melchior had somehow managed to get Mr. Langs talking about the likelihood that Achilles and Patroclus were lovers, and the mood of the class had picked up substantially.

Ernst stood up and shoved his notebook into his backpack, swinging it onto his shoulders.  “I really do not want to go to calculus right now,” he told his friends.  “It’s my _birthday_ , shouldn’t I be exempt or something?”

“I’ll skip with you if you want,” Moritz offered from under his desk, where he’d crouched to collect his spilled pencils.  “God knows my grade couldn’t get worse than it is now.”

“Do not encourage him to skip class!” chided Wendla, kicking a stray pencil over to the messy haired boy.  “It’ll be fine, I’m sure you’ll both survive.”

“We should go,” Ilse said to Wendla, eyeing the clock.  “Happy birthday, Ernst!”

Wendla blew Ernst a kiss, and the girls left the room.  Ernst turned to look at Hanschen, who was staring at him.  He blushed a little, and then looked down at Moritz, now trying to shove his pencil case into his bag.

“I’m gonna head to class,” he told Moritz.  “I’ll meet you there.”

“I’ll walk with you,” Hanschen announced, standing up gracefully.

Ernst froze.  “You will?”  He wanted to kick himself.  If he was right, if this wasn’t a cruel joke the universe was playing on him, Hanschen had a dumb question on his wrist under that stupid cuff.

Hanschen gave his best friend a questioning look before answering slowly.  “Yeah, maybe we can talk about Achilles and Patroclus on the way.”

Ernst felt his insides melt.  Was he supposed to say something?  Hanschen had no fucking idea what he’d just done.  Was it disrespectful to let him know?  After all, he’d gone through all this trouble to ignore his soulmate.  And if he didn’t believe in the system, and Ernst told him about them, was he just ruining his own chance?

Moritz, thankfully, said nothing.  Ernst could feel his friend’s eyes on him, but he couldn’t look away from Hanschen.  His best friend.  His soulmate.

“Okay,” he said eventually, aware of how close he was to being late to class.  “Let’s go.”

Hanschen matched his pace to the taller boy’s perfectly, and walked so that their arms brushed every few steps.  Ernst felt his limbs light on fire with every touch.

“Sorry I was late to English,” Hanschen said.  “I was finishing your birthday present and I lost track of time.”

“So what’d you get me?” Ernst heard himself say.  He wasn’t sure how he managed to sound so casual when his insides were screaming at him and every nerve in his body was electrified.

“It’s a surprise, it’s waiting at your house.”

“I’m intrigued.”

“Can I come over after school?”

“Of course.”  They were outside Ernst’s math class.  He didn’t want to go inside.  He didn’t want to leave Hanschen.

“Well,” said the blonde, “happy birthday.  I’ll see you later.”

“Bye,” Ernst responded, miserably.  He hoped it didn’t show.

Moritz ran into class a minute after Ernst, sliding into his seat just as the bell rang, panting slightly.

“Hanschen?” he exclaimed, eyes wide.

“Shh!” Ernst looked around to see if anyone had heard.  “What am I supposed to do?”

“You have to tell him.”

“No!  I can’t, he’d hate me.”

“It’s not your fault though,” Moritz said.

Before Ernst could reply, their teacher was telling them to open their notes and putting a formula up on the board.  Ernst groaned and focused his attention on understanding whatever was going on with derivatives.

After calc he suffered through biology, a class which all his friends were intuitive enough not to take and a history test (which really just seemed cruel on his birthday) before he blissfully got to go to lunch.  Hanschen was in a different lunch period than the rest of his friends, too busy in AP Latin, which meant he got to tell Ilse and Wendla what the fuck had happened.

They listened with wide eyes before agreeing with what Moritz reminded Ernst he thought.

“Yeah,” said Ilse, “you deserve for him to know.  Just because he doesn’t want to know who his soulmate is doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get a shot with yours.”

“I’m not the only one who kind of always saw this coming, right?”  Wendla asked.

Ernst looked surprised.  “What are you talking about?”

“I mean, you guys used to do, like, couples costumes every year.  You’re sort of perfect for each other.”

“No we’re not!” Ernst insisted.  “We’re just friends, I mean, he’s not even into me.  He’s so far out of my league it’s ridiculous.”

“He’s obviously not.”  Wendla lifted up his wrist for him to read the writing again.   _I’ll walk with you._

“We’re not gonna end up together.  These things are wrong sometimes, aren’t they?  So that’s what I am.  A defect.  A flaw in the system.”  Ernst folded his arms together on the table and slammed his head down onto them.

Moritz slid his pudding cup in the birthday boy’s direction, and Ilse put a hand on his back, rubbing little circles.

“Do you want to be with him?” she asked.

Ernst pulled his head up and looked at his wrist.  He nodded.

“So be with him!” Wendla urged.

“He doesn’t want to know-”

“He doesn’t have to,” Ilse interrupted, grinning.  Her girlfriend looked at her, not getting what Ilse meant.  “If you can get him to fall for you, it won’t matter.  Just don’t let him see your wrist until you know he’ll be okay with it.”

“You want me to trick him?”

“You already know you’re destined to be together.  So you’re just ensuring that the proper ending takes place.”  Ilse seemed sure of the plan, but Ernst wasn’t convinced.

“It’ll kill you if you never try,” Wendla said.

“It’ll kill _me_ ,” Moritz added.  “You know who your soulmate is, you have to do something.”  He held up his wrist, flashing his single word.  “Believe me, the waiting is torture.”

“So you all want me to, what, seduce him?”

Ilse laughed.  “Nobody said anything about seduction, Ernst.  We just think you should make him fall for you.”

“And then if seduction becomes a part of that…” Wendla joked, and they laughed.

“And you really think it’ll work?”

“Of course it will!  You’re a total catch.”

“She’s not wrong,” said Moritz, who had sort of harbored a secret crush on Ernst in middle school.

“Fine,” Ernst gave in.  “But only because of my stupid wrist.  And if any of you say a word to him about this I swear I’m not above murder.”  With that, he grabbed Moritz’s gifted pudding cup and angrily pulled off the foil lid.

The girls laughed at him, and Moritz returned to poking at his mashed potatoes with a plastic fork.

After lunch, they all split up to head to different classes, but not before Ernst pulled Wendla aside.

“What if everything gets ruined?” he whispered to her.  “What if doesn’t want to be my soulmate and I lose him as a friend?”

Wendla didn’t answer until she’d pulled him into a hug.  “That could never happen,” she whispered.  “Hanschen loves you.  And he always will, I’m sure of it.  Even if, for some bizarre reason, he doesn’t fall for you, he’s still gonna love you.  Ultimately it’s up to you what kind of love it is.”

Ernst kept her squeezed in the hug for a little while longer before releasing her so they could go to class.

“Happy birthday!” she called after him as he left the cafeteria, and he rolled his eyes.  Some day it was turning out to be.

The afternoon was fairly uneventful.  His Spanish teacher forced the class to sing to him, which made him want to get swallowed up by the ground, but nothing else Earth-shattering happened.  He didn’t even see Hanschen again until after school, when he discovered the boy who was apparently his soulmate waiting for him at his locker.

“Drive you home?” Hanschen offered, in lieu of saying hi.

“Um,” Ernst responded, feeling his heart pound harder, “Sure.”  He made sure his sleeve covered his wrist.  Hanschen still hadn’t said a word about it.

As Ernst shoved things from his locker into his backpack, Hanschen leaned against the locker next to him and watched with a gleam in his eye. “You have to close your eyes when we get near your house,” he warned.

“Why?”

“For the surprise.”  Hanschen grinned.  “You ready?”  Ernst nodded and followed Hanschen towards the parking lot, feeling the knot growing in his stomach.

He let Hanschen talk in the car, content to hear about his presentation in Latin and something funny Melchior said at lunch.

When Hanschen told him to, he shut his eyes.  He could feel the car turn into his driveway and then stop, and he heard Hanschen take the key out.

“I'll come help you get out,” Hanschen said.  For a second Ernst was alone in the silent car, and then the other boy opened his door and put a hand on his arm, guiding him out.

“Okay, open your eyes,” Hanschen commanded.

Ernst did.  First he saw his mom, smiling and holding up her phone to take pictures, and then he saw the car parked right next to Hanschen's, the entire windshield covered in little bows.

“You didn't,” he gasped, turning to look at his friend.

“No,” Hanschen said, “not exactly.  Your parents bought the car, I just fixed it up a little and put in a stereo system.”

Ernst could kiss him.

“Hanschen also put the bows on,” added Ernst's mom, walking over to hug her son.

“I figured this way you'll have no excuse not to visit me if we end up at different colleges next year.

Ernst struggled to stop himself from kissing him.

“Do you like it?” asked Mrs. Robel.  “Your dad and I figured it was time.  I mean, if you're old enough to know who your soulmate is, you're old enough to drive to school.”

Ernst jumped at the mention of soulmates and turned to look at Hanschen, who seemed unfazed.  He shot his mom a glare she wouldn't understand and pulled his sleeve down farther.

“I love it,” he announced.  “Thank you so much, you guys.  This is amazing.”

Hanschen was standing very close to him.  “Want to take it for a ride?” he whispered.

Ernst just nodded, afraid to turn around lest his face be only inches away from Hanschen’s.  His mom handed him the keys, and Ernst slid into the driver’s seat.  The car was obviously used, but someone had taken the care to hang a new car scented air freshener from the rearview mirror.

“Your work?” asked Ernst, tapping it with a light finger when Hanschen sat down next to him, hands full of bows he’d pulled off the window.  Hanschen smiled.

“I figured you’d appreciate it.”

Ernst turned the key and felt the car hum to life.  He liked driving, even though he’d been previously limited to his parents’ schedules.  Now he was free though, and before long he found himself taking Hanschen to a park, where he pulled to a stop.

“Want to go for a walk?” he suggested.

“I mean, if you’re done driving your beautiful present…”

“Haha.”  Ernst got out of the car, and Hanschen followed.  He was surprised when his friend stepped in front of him.

“Happy birthday, Ernst.”  His tone was concerningly serious.

“Thanks.”  Despite his confusion, he allowed Hanschen to hug him.  He adjusted his sleeve.

When they disconnected, Hanschen was back to normal.  They joked as they strolled around the park, making light conversation about nothing until they got back to the car.

Overwhelmed with possibility, Ernst didn’t know where he was supposed to drive.  He went home.  Hanschen declined the invitation to stay for dinner, claiming he had too much Latin homework, and left Ernst and his parents to twirl spaghetti together.

“Any news on the soulmate front?” prompted Mrs. Robel, and her husband sighed.

Ernst put a hand on the bow Hanschen had stuck on his forehead before leaving.  “Nope, not yet.”

“Well, I guess you have time.”  His mom tried not to seem disappointed.

“Sweetheart, he’s 18.  Barely.  He has time.”  Ernst’s dad put a comforting hand over his wife’s.

“I know.  It’s just nice when you know.”  She kissed his cheek, and Ernst pretended to throw up, which made them both laugh.

After Ernst managed to convince them not to sing to him for what would be the third time that day and they ate cake, he excused himself to go upstairs.  He flopped onto his bed and just laid there, still, thinking.  Was he really willing to risk everything he had with Hanschen with nothing to go on but some words on his wrist?  What if Hanschen’s didn’t even match?

It was rare, but it happened sometimes.  You weren’t always your soulmate’s soulmate.

He felt like crying.  It was his birthday, he wasn’t supposed to be so miserable.  Why couldn’t he just be soulmate-less and grow old alone?

He texted Wendla to tell her that Hanschen had worked with his parents to get him a freaking _car_ , and the next thing he knew she was at his front door.  They spent the rest of the evening eating the rest of Ernst’s birthday cake, working on homework, and talking about Hanschen.

“He just… hugged you?” Wendla asked, trying to get her head around the situation.

“Yeah.  Out of nowhere.  And then he didn’t even talk about it at all.”

“Can’t keep his hands off you,” she remarked, eating a bite of cake.

“It wasn’t like that.”

“Like what?” Wendla laughed when Ernst blushed.

“You know what I mean.”

“Oh, he didn’t, like, grab your ass?”

Ernst laughed.  “Not quite.”

“You’re not getting cold feet, right?  You’re still gonna go after him?”  Ernst didn’t answer.  “Ernst!  You like him so much.  And the universe has told you that you’re supposed to like him.  You deserve this.”

Ernst didn’t look up from his science homework when he said, quietly, “He’s my best friend, Wendla.  I can’t do it, I can’t trick him into doing something he doesn’t want to do.  If he wants to be with me, maybe it’ll happen naturally one day.  That’s the only way it’s gonna happen.”

She put her head on his shoulder, and they sat there for a minute before he shrugged her off and shook his head.  “Okay, this is dumb,” he announced.  “I will not throw myself a pity party before my birthday party.”

Wendla laughed, and closed the notebook she’d been studying out of.  “Good.  I like this attitude way better.”

“Thanks for coming over,” Ernst said.

She gave him a hug.  “Of course.”

Ernst went to bed early, determined to stay positive about Hanschen even if the waiting broke his heart.

The next morning, Ernst grinned all the way to school.  It was such a relief to not have to rush and get all sweaty and gross.  He’d been waiting for a car since he turned 16, and now he finally had one.  It didn’t hurt that he parked next to Hanschen, and they walked into school together.  Hanschen hadn’t bothered to fix his hair after waking up, which struck Ernst as both hilarious and adorable.

“Rough morning?” he asked.

Hanschen chuckled.  “I was up sort of late,” he admitted.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, yeah.  I was just… thinking.”  Hanschen paused.  “Why’d you ask?”

“Your hair didn’t hear the alarm clock, obviously.”

“Shit, is it bad?” Hanschen raised his hand to his head and tried to smooth his unruly locks.

“Can I…?” Ernst offered, raising his own hand.

Hanschen lowered his head to let his friend fix what he could.  Ernst tried not to linger with his hands in Hanschen’s hair, tried to just put it in place and then back away with a nod of approval.

“What would I do without you?” Hanschen asked.

“I don’t know, but I’m glad I’ll never be there to witness it,” Ernst joked back, bumping his shoulder against Hanschen’s gently.

They split up for class, but Ernst was still thinking about how cute Hanschen looked with sleep still in his eyes, how his voice was just a tiny bit raspy, how soft his hair had been between his fingers…

When Ernst sat down in first period, Moritz could see on his face that he was a thousand miles away.  “What’s up?” he asked, trying to smooth out his crinkled math homework.

“It’s Hanschen,” Ernst answered.

“Is something wrong?  Did something happen?”

“No, not really.  I just think that I actually really want him to be my soulmate.”

Moritz looked confused.  He glanced at Ernst’s wrist.  “He is though, right?  Like… the words…”

“Yeah, I mean, technically he is.  But how the fuck do I get him to realize it?”

“Look,” Moritz said, “it’s been less than a day since you found out.  And Hanschen loves to be, like, with people.  So if you just keep trying to hint it to him, I’m sure he’ll get it.”

“Are you telling me that Hanschen is gonna wake up and realize we’re perfect for each other because he’s perpetually looking for new people to sleep with?”

“Maybe?”

Ernst laughed at Moritz, who seemed to be genuinely unsure about what he was trying to say.  “I guess that’ll be better than nothing.”

In English Ernst had to suffer through watching Hanschen flirt with Melchior, which was weird because he always swore their hookup the previous year had been a one time thing.  Of course he’d start showing interest as soon as Ernst realized his childhood crush was far from over.  Of course the smart, determined, deep boy would catch Hanschen’s eye.

Ernst drew a sad face on a scrap of paper and handed it to Wendla, who frowned sympathetically at him.  She seemed confused by Hanschen’s behavior too, which Ernst found a tiny bit comforting.  It _was_ weird for Hanschen to touch Melchior’s arm like that, it wasn’t all in his head.  Not that he liked the fact that Hanschen was touching Melchior’s arm like that.

He wished he’d just bought a stupid bracelet like Hanschen, that he’d never read his wrist.

The week dragged on, and it almost felt like Hanschen was rubbing the whole thing in his face.  Ernst knew he didn’t actually know that they were soulmates, but he could have sworn he caught Hanschen looking at him weird more than once.

He didn’t mean to, but Ernst started to push his best friend away.  Hanging out with him hurt too much, because no matter what he tried Ernst couldn’t stop wanting Hanschen.  He found himself making excuses when Hanschen asked to hang out.  He didn’t need rides now that he had his own car, he had a lot of studying to do, he’d promised Wendla he’d be her date to her parent’s anniversary party since Ilse was out of town, he was just too tired.

Every weekend was something new, until he realized he’d been eighteen for nearly two months.  Two months of knowing Hanschen was his soulmate and doing absolutely nothing about it.  It was a Friday night and he was at a cafe with Wendla, drinking coffee and trying to pretend she wasn’t right when she gave him advice.

“You have to do something,” she was saying.  “You’re obviously miserable without him.”

“I’m not miserable.”

“You turn and look every time the door opens.  You miss him.  It’s okay to admit it.  You went from being best friends to strangers in, like, a week.”

“We’re not strangers.  We’re soulmates.”

“Well,” said Wendla, sipping her coffee, “you certainly don’t act like it.  I thought you told us you wanted to be with him.”

“I do,” Ernst moaned.  “That’s why spending time with him is so freaking hard!”

“It would be easy if you try.  We talked about this ages ago, you were supposed to make him see why you’d be perfect together.  And then he got you car, and then you gave up.”

“Technically,” Ernst started, “he didn’t get-” he stopped when he saw the look on Wendla’s face.  “What?”

“We’re all just frustrated, Ernst.  We care about you so much, and it really kind of sucks for us to see you making yourself crazy like this.”

“Is this an intervention?”

“No.  If it was an intervention Ilse and Moritz would be here too.  This is just your friend telling you that if you don’t at least try to get with your soulmate she might _actually_ kill you, and she refuses to be held accountable for that.”

“Wow.  Okay.  I guess maybe tomorrow I can ask him to-”

“No,” Wendla interrupted.

“What?”

“Tonight.  It’s been long enough.”

“But we’re hanging out tonight,” Ernst tried, suddenly very nervous.

“Ernst, I love you, but I feel like I haven’t seen my girlfriend in forever because I’ve been keeping you occupied while you avoided the one person you really wanted to see.  So I’m going to Ilse’s house to make up for lost time, and you’re inviting Hanschen over.”

“What if he’s not even free, though?  You can’t just-”

She cut him off again.  “I’m sure he’s free, Ernst, it’s not like he has another best friend.  I’m sure he’s sitting around pining for you.  And if he’s not, you’ll just have to hunt him down.  But the lonely longing from a distance thing ends tonight, right now.”  She stood, bending down to kiss him on the cheek before sliding into her coat.  “Good luck,” she said before leaving him alone at the table.

Ernst stayed there for a minute, just staring at his coffee.  Was he really supposed to tell Hanschen the truth tonight?  He’d carefully put himself into a bubble in order to avoid the terrifying possibility that had become all too real on his birthday.  And Wendla wanted him to pop it?

He had his phone out of his pocket now, and was looking at it without touching it.  Before he was sure whether he was trying to talk himself in or out of calling Hanschen, the phone was ringing.  The contact that showed up was an extremely familiar blonde.  He picked up.

“Hanschen.  Hi.”

“Hi.”

There was a long pause, so Ernst asked, “How are you?”

“I’m okay.  You?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”  Another pause.  “So, um, what’s up?”

“I feel like I haven’t seen you in a while,” Hanschen said.

“Yeah, I know.  I’m really sorry, there’s just been so much going on…”

“No, no, I get it.  I just miss you.”

Ernst took a deep breath.  “I miss you too.”

He could practically hear Hanschen smiling.  He sounded relieved when he asked, “What are you doing tonight?  It sounds like you’re somewhere.”

“I’m actually heading home right now,” he decided, standing up and grabbing his coffee.

“Oh.  Cool.”  Hanschen waited a beat.  Ernst got into his car.  “Can I maybe come over?”

“Yeah,” said Ernst.  “Yeah, that would be great.  I’ll be home in fifteen minutes.”

“See you then.”  Hanschen ended the call, and Ernst closed his eyes for a second before turning the car on and driving home, slowly and carefully because his hands were shaking just a little bit.

When he pulled into the driveway, Ernst rushed to get out of the car without spilling coffee all over himself and get inside.  Already a little out of breath, he dashed up the stairs to clean his room as much as he could, shoving clothes into the hamper and smoothing the comforter over his bed.  He opened a window to cool off the air a little and sat down to try to catch his breath.

His heart jumped when he heard Hanschen knock on the front door.  He made his way downstairs slowly, smoothing his shirt and running his fingers through his hair.  He tried to tell himself this wasn’t a big deal.  Hanschen had been over a thousand times before.  They were just going to hang out, catch up.  It was fine.

All his calmness flew away when he opened the door and saw Hanschen standing there, looking like a dream in a black sweatshirt with the sleeves pushed up, the clasp on his bracelet shining under the porch light.  Ernst stepped aside to let him in, and Hanschen toed his shoes off, remembering Mrs. Robel’s preference even though she wasn’t around to chide him.  Ernst could melt.

“Hi,” he said, softly.

Hanschen smiled at him, flashing perfect teeth.  “Hi.”

“Do you wanna come upstairs?” offered Ernst, and Hanschen gestured for him to lead the way.

Ernst wasn’t totally sure how to behave.  He left the door of his bedroom open, afraid he’d imply something by closing it.  He then stood awkwardly in the middle of the room until Hanschen settled himself in the desk chair, leaving Ernst to sit alone on the bed.

“Sorry I’ve been so distant,” he said, even though he already apologized on the phone.  Hanschen fiddled with his bracelet.  “Since my birthday, I’ve just been… going through some stuff.  I don’t know.”

Hanschen stood up and walked over to sit next to Ernst on the bed.  He put his head on the taller boy’s shoulder.  “I wish you felt like you could share it with me.”

“Me too,” Ernst said.  “All I’ve been thinking is that I wish I could tell you.  Because it’s a big deal, and you’re my best friend, and I really, really care about you.  A lot.  Which is why it’s been so hard for me to…”  Before he could figure out the right wording, he noticed Hanschen’s face was getting closer to his own.  “What are you doing?” he whispered, hyper aware that his breath probably smelled like coffee.

Hanschen didn’t answer, didn’t even react.  He just kept moving forward at a snail’s speed, slowly getting closer and closer until their lips were touching.

When Ernst didn’t react, Hanschen deepened the kiss, burying his hands in Ernst’s hair and pressing their mouths together with a hunger Ernst could never have imagined.  They moved their lips together, and then he felt Hanschen’s tongue sliding onto his mouth, and then into it.  It was the most amazing experience Ernst had ever had, and before long he was absolutely breathless.

Ernst put his hands on Hanschen’s shoulders to pull himself away from the kiss, panting.  Hanschen didn’t let him go far though, he kept their foreheads pressed together.  Ernst could feel the other boy’s breath on his face.  He’d never been more happy, which made him absolutely miserable.

He couldn’t do it.

“What’s wrong?” Hanschen asked, his fingers still in Ernst’s hair, his eyes searching.

“I have to tell you something.”  Ernst lowered his eyes.  He couldn’t look at Hanschen, couldn’t see his face when he found out, couldn’t deal with the inevitable rejection or pity or whatever was coming.

“You can tell me anything.”

Ernst let out a laugh, even though he really didn’t think it was funny.  Just sad.  He took his hands off Hanschen’s shoulders and carefully undid the clasp on Hanschen’s blue bracelet.  It was hard because of how tight he wore it, but Ernst managed to slide if off his best friend’s wrist.  “To me,” he started, “this isn’t just a kiss.  It can’t be just… I want to be with you.”  He held up Hanschen’s wrist, fighting the urge to run his fingers over _You will?_ written right there in a font that matched his own.  “I want to be together like this.”  He rolled up his sleeve, revealing _I’ll walk with you._ to Hanschen for the first time.

Hanschen brought their lips crashing back together, and Ernst let it happen for a second before he pulled away again, this time stepping backwards to escape Hanschen’s reach.  “Stop it,” he pleaded, barely above a whisper.  “I can’t do this, not with you.  Not like this.”

“Like what?” Hanschen asked.  “What do you think I’m doing to you?”

“Look, Hanschen, you’re my best friend.”

“You didn’t answer me.”  Hanschen inched towards Ernst, who backed away.

“I know that to you this kind of stuff doesn’t mean as much, which is totally fine with me.  Like, kiss whoever you want.  Whatever.  But to me, at least when you’re involved, it means a lot.  Because the universe or whatever it is that puts these words on us has some fucked up plan for us.  I guess because I’ve had a crush on you since I could be consciously aware of a crush they thought we had something.”

“That long?”

Ernst felt himself flush.  He wanted to die, he was so mortified.  Hanschen looked amazing, lips damp and hair messed, eyes dark and serious.  And he couldn’t have him.  Not like he wanted to.  “Hanschen…” he warned when the boy moved forward once again, giving Ernst no room to move unless he wanted to fall off the bed.

“Did you think I didn’t know?”

“What?”

“You thought I didn’t know you were my soulmate?”

“What are you talking about, Hanschen?”  Ernst refused to let himself hope, at least not while he was so confused.

“I’ve known we were meant to be together until we were, like, ten years old.”

“But not like this, right?  Like I know we’ve always had a special bond or whatever, but you wear the bracelet.  You wore the bracelet.”

“I peeked.”

“What?” Ernst felt like his head was exploding.

“On your birthday, I looked at my wrist.”

“Why?”

“Because curiosity was killing me.”  He said it like it was obvious.

“No, but why my birthday?”

“I had to know if it was you.”

“And you…”

“I wanted it to be you, Ernst.  You’re kind of the only person in the entire world who I don’t hate, I didn’t really want to have to start from scratch with someone new.”

Ernst’s heart was speeding, pounding a thousand beats a second.  “You never said anything,” he whispered, aware of how close Hanschen’s lips had gotten to his own.  Just moments ago they’d been kissing…

“Because you didn’t.  And I wasn’t supposed to know, and since you never brought it up I assumed that meant you were using my ignorance to your advantage.  To avoid having to be with me.”

“Why the fuck would I ever avoid having to be with you?” Ernst asked, trying to wrap his head around the situation.

“Because, like you said.  I’m not as good as you, I’m not good at emotions and feelings and relationships.  And you’re amazing, Ernst, and you’ve put up with me forever, and I thought you maybe just didn’t want to be stuck with me for the rest of your life.  And I don’t ever want to do anything to hurt you.  So when you kept pulling your sleeve over your wrist I pretended not to notice.”

“And when you, like, flirted with other people?  And acted all weird?”

“I was trying to show you that I didn’t expect anything from you.”

“What’s the point of that?  I didn’t know you knew.”

Hanschen hung his head.  “Yeah.  I’m not trying to say I handled it well.  I was scared, you know?  I had all these feelings for you, and I didn’t know what to do.”

“But you want to… you want to be together.”

Hanschen looked at his wrist and smiled.  “Yes.”

“For literally the rest of our lives?”

“‘Til death do us part.”

Ernst smiled for the first time since the kiss, and kept smiling even when Hanschen brought their mouths together again.  And then he felt Hanschen’s smile against his own, and they were laughing too hard to keep kissing, which was a tragedy of sorts.

“I love you,” Hanschen told him when he caught his breath.

“I love you too.”

Hanschen put his hand under Ernst’s chin and lifted his head, stopping him from staring at their wrists.  “This isn’t because of the words,” he said softly, and Ernst felt like Hanschen could read his mind.  “It’s because of you.  I would have chosen you anyway.”

“I would have chosen you too.”

Ernst kissed him, and this time they both managed to make it last.

**Author's Note:**

> (I hope people like this, I was staring at it forever trying to decide if it needed something before I decided to just throw in the towel and post it as it is.)
> 
> As always, I'm on tumblr at springbroadway, please feel free to check me out there!


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